Red bull.

I was in school today at 840am. We were supposed to interview some of the potential people that we shortlisted to form the next committee for BCC2006.

By the time we were done, it was already 5pm. And we were still 1 hour early.

Went for dinner before I had to rush off for NDP training which starts at 7pm.

Thankfully, Jonathan said he'll be late. And I decided I wanted to be at CCk instead. Go buy kite.

I was drop dead tired. But when I bought the kite I could have sworn. That if it wasn't for the NDP training, I'll go find a spot outside Lot1 and set my kite immediately.

So many reasons... Some explainable, some not.

So happy.

The designers

I had wanted to write this down for a few days already, but couldn't find the time to until now.

Last Saturday, after a badminton session, I went home all sweaty and smelly. But before I have the time to step into the shower room, my dad dragged me into his lorry and drove me to an isolated carpark.

While in the car, I finally got the chance to ask him what's going on. And he told me that we are going to build a trap.

As it turns out, a thief has been stealing from my dad's car several times in the past few months, and my dad finally had enough!

Even though my dad kept a stern face throughout his briefing session, I can't help but think that he's only joking with me!

But oh well, he did had a plan alright, and he wanted me to help him fine tune the design of the trap that is to help him catch the thief.

Hahaha

For that reason alone, I spent nearly the whole afternoon climbing all over his lorry, pulling this string and cutting that part.... Trying things down and adjusting weights... Good luck, Mr. thief!

(The exact design is abit complex. I'm too lazy to explain.)

Even though I was bloody worn by the end of the day, I didn't mind one bit at all.

It was a rare day when I gotto spend quality time with my dad.

Ever since I was 17? I can't remember. But for many years now, I've been left alone by my parents, who trusted me completely. In a way, I gained full autonomy of my life when I was 15. And slightly because of that, I've become very independant of them, some observers have even commented that I don't seem to care about them. But how wrong they were.

I never forgot the days when my dad brought us out to the beach, reserviours, parks and all the other memories he created for me and my brothers when we were kids.

Just the other day, I was still telling my brother, Raymond of how I missed those days when dad will bring us out to a deserted beach area and the whole family will dig the sand and look for clams. We'll fill a bucket full before the day ends and bring them home for dinner!

There were also the weekends when mum will cook loads of stuff, beehoon, chicken wings, sandwhiches or many other things. And we'll head out to marina for picnic and kite flying sessions. Sometimes we'll go to one of the national parks and play badminton instead. But always, our favourite was when we rode bicycles down a devilish slope that I forgot about until now.

When we were a little older, somewhere around 8-9 years old. dad will bring us to his worksite.

In a weird way, we always enjoyed joining him for work, because it makes you feel appreciated, as if you are now an adult who can take care of yourself and get work done. On hindsight, I now suspect that my father did what he did because he was pround that he had 4 sons and wanted to show us off to his friends!

I remember the days when we would climb into his truck because we were too short to get into the car normally! And then we would almost always fall asleep in the vehicle as he drove us to the worksite of the day. When we finally dismounted from the car, still half asleep, he'll make us carry some of his tools. "Some" usually meant a hammer or a electric hand drill because we were too young and too weak to carry anything heavy! The lucky person amongst us gets the job of pushing his trolley, although my dad will rotate the post so that everyone is happy.

At the worksite itself, we usually do drilling or hammering work for dad while he got the "hardcore" work done. Then when he's done, he'll usually come over and redo 40% of the things we did.....

All these memories just came gushing back to me this evening after bought a kite from Chua Chu Kang. I can't explain it, but looking at the kite is almost like looking at a physical embodiment of my childhood days. All of a sudden, I realised that I have alot of thinks that I need to thank my parents for....

For taking care of me for so many years.

For sticking with me and providing support when I when down with my mental conditions.

For trusting me completely.

For knowing when to ask me questions and when to leave me alone.

For giving me a chance to grow up in a manner that was purely dictated by myself, so that I can always look back in my life and have no regrets.

For teaching me that love does not equate to possession.

For so many other things that I can never spell out in words.

Sigh... And I suddenly feel so sorry that I wrote all this. Because I know my parents will never get to read what I wrote. What a shame!

One think off my mind.

I went back to PJC today as an ambassador for Camp Idealpolis, the presentation was short, sweet, simple. And we were particularly grateful that the 2 teaching staff who are to be our contact person in PJC for the event are genuinely interested. They made reasonable enquiries and also told us their concern and what they require from us in the meantime.

Sometimes, the best way to tell if people are interested in the things you tell them is not through their replies, but through their enquiries.

Whee. That's one thing off my mind! Although I wish I can continue to be involved in the Idealpolis thingie. Still many loose ends left untied as it is.

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

To know how far you have traveled, just look behind your shoulder.

I went back to PJC today, but the PJC campus at Teck Whye Walk never felt like the home it was for me when PJ was at Science Centre Road.

Even the uniform is different.

We used to joke that our uniforms made us look like factory workers. But not anymore. Nowadays, it's more fashionable to look like a waiter or waitress.

Five years ago, when I first enrolled in colleage, I was sure I would graduate with Physics and then go on to study engineering in the university.

I hated business schools and thought the corporate world is phony, dark and inevitibly sinister.

But there was another reason for my extreme apprehension - Shirts, no matter long sleeves or short, coupled with dark long pants was to me the worst fashion statment in the world.

Never would I know that five years on, I'll be making presentations after presentations, telling others of the value of a sound business mind and promoting the business school (NBS only) in the meantime. All the time dressed in the shirt and pants combination that I hated to the core.

Even as I write now, I still find it remarkable how life has a way of laying out your destiny in a manner that you can never predict.

Speaking of which, I will share a little story here as well.

Five years ago, I met a girl for the first time. A classmate. Everyone in the room met everyone else for the first time too. It was the first day of school.

In the days that followed shortly, the class is to meet frequently for lunches and other whatnots in a bid to get to know one another better. And my impression of the girl took shape too during this period of time - I concluded that she's ugly and utterly weird.

Four months later she would become my first girlfriend and mean more than the world to me. Well, until the world collasped, that is.

In that same period of time, I knew of another person, and for some reason that i don't care to explain here, she hated my guts.

Well maybe she never hated me THAT much, but she found me repulsive and told me that herself too.

In the years since.... Ah, but I don't wanna talk about that.

Hehehehe.

Nowadays, I feel a strange sense of obligation to warn others when they are about to scold or scream at me, cause you never know...

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Meeting XH for breakfast tomorrow morning. Hope Alif is on form to make power pratas tomorrow!

Finally managed to fish her out of her busy schedule after so long. I almost started to think that I may have to beg on my knees before she'll hand me an application form that will be subjected to further deliberation for approval before I can be granted an audience with her.

Think we've got lots of catching up to do. And I've got something I promised to show her...

In a manner that I cannot explain, I feel that this is a very good time to write an entry, 12 minutes before my birthday passes.

In the 365 days that passed, many things have happened in my life.

Things that probably changed my life, gave it a new direction.

Things that probably changed the life of others too, whether or not those things gave them a new direction though, I cannot say.

It is a little surreal, I must say. But I'll be honest and say it anyway. The most exciting, happiest, and heart-breaking days of my past year uncannily occured all within the last month.

(I started wrinting about the upcoming Business case competiton but deleted everything because I thought it's really unimportant.)

It may seem illogical, but the events unfolding before and immediately after the BCC meeting on the 10th of May made the briefing session on the 10th looked small and utterly unimportant.

The events before the 10th are very important, but they are very sad too.

Actually, too sad for me to recall. And I don't want to.

All that I know from that fateful night was that alot of things were lost by the time the sun came up again.

I lost faith and trust in a person. Faith and trust I always reserved for a friend.

Someone lost a friend too, permanantly, but did she realise? Will she?

Another lost sight of happiness. God willing, she'll find it someday.

Most importantly, everyone lost a dream. A dream that 4 young people fabricated over many late nights in an old trusty car.

An absurd dream that 4 people can grow old and live together in a big mansion that they co-own.

We knew it was absurd back then. But now, whenever I think of it, I just wanna laugh, or cry. Truth is, I cannot make up my mind.

Now, if we are to fast forward from THAT sun-rise and skip the 10th, the only day I will ever remember from this past year by the time I'm 35 years old will be the 11th of May, 2006.

On the 11th, I went to the Zoo. Yup, the Zoo.

No, you read that correctly, really.

For as long back as I can remember, that was the happiest day I had in a long long while.

(I'm still waiting for someone to send me the photos. Can't wait to see the White tigers!)

If anyone is to ask me, I'll never be able to explain why I was so happy.

The only unfortunate thing that happened was that, any given day, no matter how good it is, has to end sometime.

What's the next thing I can look forward to? Flying kite in Marina? = )